how could we lose sight of what matters most?

how do i describe this feeling? school's starting next week, it's too fast. i want time to multiply. i'm not sure if anyone of you've ever felt like that. things will start to change again right? how could i forget? because of the shit i got in to, new class, new mates, new teachers next term. when school starts, i'm going to be away from my Jiang yun and Audrey. who's going to stand up for me when i'm late for lessons? who am i going to make fun of in my new class? who's going to steal my sim card back for me when my phone gets confiscated again? who's going to insult the teachers together with me? and will i still have the usual lunch with the guys on wednesday? maybe not, because things has or will change. i don't want to start thinking again. i want to sleep for a thousand years, or just not exist. or just not be aware that i exist. that's why i'm trying not to think. i just want all this to stop spinning. i'm losing everybody. i just lost you. i might never get you back, but it's okay. but i can't afford to start losing everyone around me. why is no one ever listening? i've face decisions, made choices. i kept moving forward, telling myself "it's alright, it'll be fine soon." but sooner or later, i look back at where i've been and wonder who i really am. right now as i shut my eyes and think hard and deep about who or what true friends are, i can't really understand what it means. true? i don't know, and i give up thinking about it. but well, if there are no broken hearts, then there's no healing right? if there's no healing, then there is no learning. and i think, if there's no learning, then there's no struggle. but the struggle is a part of life. and i guess, everything will be alright soon. i'll make new friends in my new class with new teachers. i can't be there for you physically but i will always be there, somehow. i never get tired of loving but i get tired of waiting, assuming and hurting. i'm not perfect, i've made mistakes, screw up and i'm sorry.