muse of humanity

It's killing me, this feeling is killing me. I think i felt my heart skip a beat. I was just standing there and i can hardly breathe. I wish things were simple. You want the truth? There is never a day in my life where i'm not scared. I'm afraid of myself, of my own reality, of rejection, of failure and feelings. Feelings are disturbing. I'm going to lose you right? I'm going to lose everybody. I would like to break down and cry, but no, i know that as i look back, every single tear and scar isn't worth it. I don't know what's wrong, i don't want to hesitate and get lost. Whatever i do, good or bad, people will always have something negative to say. After all, i have to accept that i'm just one piece of the 6 billion pieces that the puzzle of the world has.

I need to desire less. I need to stop pulling back from life but instead, embrace it. I need to stay in control. I need to remind myself i still have you. I'm tired, not just physically but mentally and emotionally. I'm so damm tired of everything i have to do in life that isn't beneficial but yet i know, being a part of something special? It makes me special, too. The feeling of pain is evil and dangerous. Too much of anything, is not always a good thing. I want to have the courage to still be standing and admire the struggle it takes simply to be human.