a c h e

I love that feeling. You know, the one you get when you take a deep breath and suddenly every thing feels like it's going to be okay. When you feel as hopeless as can be and life is going nowhere, there are those moments we have every now and then when we get this feeling that can't be described, but you get this rush and the world stops spinning for a second and everything is clear and at that moment, you just know. I need more of those moments. Because i hate everything that we are now, everything. People say stuff all the time, some true, some not. But at the end of the day, our heart knows that the truth is. I miss us, i miss how i can say whatever i want but now, no. I'm responsible for my own words and everything is kept hush hush. You like it? I bloody hate it. I bloody hate your insecurities and jealousy cause that's not meant to be. Why not you, why aren't you the one in his position? Maybe because you decided your path, sometimes you should stick to that path and stop whatever we do. Wasn't that the plan? I feel as though i'm running back wards. There's something wrong with me, why can't i just be happy with what i've got? I want things back the way it was in the beginning, i wish i could rewind time, back to the days. not to change anything, but just to experience it all over again. I never know what to say to you when you ask me what's wrong. How can i tell you that you're all i want, and knowing that i can't have you tears me apart? You're the first person who's on my mind the moment i open my eyes after a night of sleep and you're either the reason for my happiness, or pain. There hasn't been one day since you left where i haven't fought the overwhelming urge to put you back in to my life. I need to stop tearing at the thought of that day, do i even deserve this bull crap? God, restore me.