to infinity and the stars

I have been feeling so troubled the past few weeks and i just need to pour everything out. I wake up at three or five am every morning because of horrible and sad thoughts and it's just killing me. I've been so negative about everything all this time and i'm just lying to myself. My whole world is just crashing down, falling apart and shattering, leaving me to pick up the pieces. It's like i feel happy and sad. Sometimes both at the same time. I expect so much from everything and i get nothing but disappointments in return, i thought i know exactly what i want but i'm not so sure anymore. I feel pathetic and it's driving me nuts. so much emotions in my head, i really don't understand how people stand me sometimes. I miss Bernard, i wish he was here with me right now and not in that bloody camp, i just need him by my side for that will make me feel more than just complete. I JUST NEED TO CUDDLE WITH HIM AND FEEL AT PEACE. LIKE NOW. AND I NEED TO STOP FEELING SO LOST DAMMIT