I don't doubt the existence of God, i really don't and after reading Laura's blog spot on why she hates God, i'm starting to agree. i'm not sure if it's a good or bad thing, and if my parents or school teachers or whoever reads this, good for me, at least they know my heart.
I've always admired how Laura is so open but this time, i truly agree:
Here is why I abhor the figure under the alias 'God'. The figure everyone claims is 'loving' and 'perfect' and 'omnipotent'. The figure who 'never leaves you nor forsake you'. Well I think all of these claims are rot. I don't doubt the existence of God, no. I don't doubt that he created the world and human beings and all that jazz. I just highly doubt what people are saying these days.
Reason #1:
People make up excuses for God's incompetency. Have you ever missed a bus or failed an exam and have someone told you, "Oh, y'know, God was preventing a potential accident! You might have died if you went on to that bus!" or "Hey, God is setting you up for an even greater victory because you failed this paper. Have faith." Bullshit. These are excuses. What are the chances of me getting into an accident? And I have failed papers I have studied for. Many of you have. Many of you have tried and tried and tried and ended up failing. Always failing. Where is this victory you religious folks are harping about? Where is it?
Reason #2:
So God takes no blame for the little disasters in life, but he so happens to take all the glory and praise for all the victories doesn't He? Say you're on a bus, you're tired and worn out and a stranger gives his seat up for you despite the fact that you aren't pregnant or old. What do you do? You grab your cellphone and tweet hogwash like "OMG thank you Jesus for this seat, you knew I was tired didn't You? <333" But most of you neglect to mentally thank that stranger who could've had a comfortable bus ride but chose to sympathize with a tired student. Zero credit to the stranger who'd have to stand all the way to his destination and all glory to God who physically did nothing. How about that day you felt down in the dumps and a fellow friend graces you with a warm smile, lifting your heavy heart a tiny bit? You immediately go "Oh Jesus, thank You for sending me that smile through [friend], I really needed that." SHUT UP. These are the doings of people around you, people who have good and kind hearts, people who empathize and notice the tired looks on your face or the half-hearted laughter you try to produce. If I ever did a good deed and someone thanked God instead of me, I WOULD BE HELL PISSED. God didn't give up a comfortable bus ride. God didn't physically smile at you or embrace you. So stop giving God all these compliments and praises that do not belong to Him.
Reason #3:
People are blindly faithful. They eat up everything their churches feed them and vomit it out on the Internet without actually knowing what on earth they're talking about. The church tells them something and immediately, their paths conform to this belief. They don't have backbones, they don't think for themselves. They don't question, they don't ask why. They take it all in like naive suckers and live their whole life by it, and when someone comes along and questions the system, they roll their eyes in exasperation thinking, what an immature Christian. No faith at all. (This doesn't apply to everybody, obviously)
Reason #4:
(Most/some) Christians are extremely narrow-minded. "Omgz you got a tattoo?! Your body is the temple of Christ! Its a sin!" or "Homosexuality is wrong, it is a sin, it says so in the Bible." Well you guys sound awfully hypocritical and judgmental for the loving Christians you guys claim to be. You make an issue of loving everybody (especially the Jews because they get picked on) but you make two-faced comments like these. Getting tattoos or being homosexual are sins, eh? In Deuteronomy, a marriage is only valid if the woman is a virgin and she should be executed if she isn't. Anyone who commits adultery should be stoned to death. In Mark, divorce is prohibited. So are you going to tell the divorced parents of your fellow classmates that they are going to hell or that they are sinning? I believe in morality. I believe in doing what I think is right and not what I am told is right. I believe in following my morals. I am pro-gay because I believe that everyone has a right to love anyone, men, women, blacks, Jews. People who are against gays because they brought AIDS? That's like being against humanity because Adam ate that fruit in the Garden of Eden. So why don't we start beating up each other? Why don't we start slamming each other into lockers because we're all to blame anyway, right? Since Adam ate that fruit billions of years ago, we are to be blamed. Just like that first homosexual who brought AIDS about and now they're all to be blamed. Right? Makes so much sense. Aren't your assholes ever jealous of all the shit that comes out from your mouths?
Reason #5:
Most Christians think that one cannot be morally upright or truly happy without God. Untrue story, bro. Most think that once someone backslides from church, they transform from a happy, steady person to a sad, problematic rebel. Again, this is false. Haven't you ever heard comments like "He dropped out of church? Oh man. Bet he's doing drugs and going clubbing every other night now." or have YOU ever been guilty of saying them? Well I would like to inform you that it is a whole bouquet of gibberish. I am extremely happy. I know what you're thinking now: "Poor girl, so delusional. She doesn't see that she is really unhappy, that she is in self-denial. Only when she truly serves Christ and His entire being will she then find true peace." In the past few months, I have never felt so whole and independent than I ever have before. I seek the beauty out of the littlest things in life, I smile when the sky is a deep, beautiful shade of blue and when the birds are singing songs from the tips of trees. I weep when I read stories about unwavering loyalty and the power of friendship and love. I keep my fingers crossed and direct my hopes to countries like Libya, Egypt and Japan who are or were in great turmoil. My heart cries with joy when I read articles about Christians protecting the Muslims when they are in prayer in Egypt, and my heart breaks when I see the thousands of people being brutally murdered for what they believe in. I rejoiced when President Mubarak stepped down and celebrated with Egypt who now lives in democracy. I love my family with all of my hard little heart and there are many, many moments when I genuinely stop everything I am doing and every molecule and cell in my body feels as if it is about to burst with appreciation and love for the life I lead and the family I am so very lucky to have. I do think profanities are uncouth and I try to avoid using them. I do frown upon clubbing and smoking and doing drugs. I have dropped out of church, I hate God, I would rather clean toilets than sit in on a service. But am I a juvenile delinquent now? Did my morals deteriorate? Did I toss aside my education? Did I start spewing vulgarities all over the place? Did I?
Nothing else comes to mind anymore and I don't want to start looking for reasons. Also, I am aware that most (okay, all) of my reasons are because of people and what they say or think. All these people who are so afraid to question and are so snug in their comfort zones are afraid to venture out and explore. I tell you, not all who wander are lost and not all who stay are safe. But these people are the ones who provide the oxygen to my burning flame of hatred for God. It is like when you argue with a friend and you slightly hate her, but every single person around you is throwing compliments and praises about her day and night. Won't your hate intensify and multiply? So I guess this is why I have came to hate God and this religion.
By the way, this isn't a one month kind of thing where the hatred in my heart suddenly explodes and I am all feisty about it so I decided to blog and tweet about this issue. This has been going on for 9 whole months. And yes, I have tried talking to God about it, okay? I have been extremely desperate and depressed and I have called out to Him over and over again. But you know what? Not a hoot from the almighty, loving Father from above. Not a whisper, not a dream. Don't tell me that He tried talking to me through a leader, a friend or a parent. Or I am 'not on the same frequency as Him'. If you and I fall out, and you love me very very much, you'd try to reason it out, you'd try to apologize, right? And even if I refuse to answer your calls or I block you from every social networking website, there are still ways you can get to me. You could send me a letter, you could even physically come up to me, grab me by the shoulders and say you're sorry. And if you, a mere human being can so easily get to me, why can't God? The Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the end? The Aleph Tav, the omnipotent, all-powerful One? Why can't he just REPLY me if He loves me so much? Why should I be the one to initiate, begging for explanations and seeking for the replies I'll never get? Who died for who? I'm told He's the one who died for me, and I'm pretty sure that means He loves me more than I love Him. So why the silence, God? So yes, I have tried to rekindle my faith in God. Looks like He didn't give a shit.
It would be embarrassing to say one thing and then have the future dictate another, but if I were ever to change my mind in the future (because I am still currently young and immature) then, well, I'll let you guys know what made me return to this religion. This is one hundred percent genuine. I don't have to pretend anymore. Newsflash guys, act est fabula.
Reason #1:
People make up excuses for God's incompetency. Have you ever missed a bus or failed an exam and have someone told you, "Oh, y'know, God was preventing a potential accident! You might have died if you went on to that bus!" or "Hey, God is setting you up for an even greater victory because you failed this paper. Have faith." Bullshit. These are excuses. What are the chances of me getting into an accident? And I have failed papers I have studied for. Many of you have. Many of you have tried and tried and tried and ended up failing. Always failing. Where is this victory you religious folks are harping about? Where is it?
Reason #2:
So God takes no blame for the little disasters in life, but he so happens to take all the glory and praise for all the victories doesn't He? Say you're on a bus, you're tired and worn out and a stranger gives his seat up for you despite the fact that you aren't pregnant or old. What do you do? You grab your cellphone and tweet hogwash like "OMG thank you Jesus for this seat, you knew I was tired didn't You? <333" But most of you neglect to mentally thank that stranger who could've had a comfortable bus ride but chose to sympathize with a tired student. Zero credit to the stranger who'd have to stand all the way to his destination and all glory to God who physically did nothing. How about that day you felt down in the dumps and a fellow friend graces you with a warm smile, lifting your heavy heart a tiny bit? You immediately go "Oh Jesus, thank You for sending me that smile through [friend], I really needed that." SHUT UP. These are the doings of people around you, people who have good and kind hearts, people who empathize and notice the tired looks on your face or the half-hearted laughter you try to produce. If I ever did a good deed and someone thanked God instead of me, I WOULD BE HELL PISSED. God didn't give up a comfortable bus ride. God didn't physically smile at you or embrace you. So stop giving God all these compliments and praises that do not belong to Him.
Reason #3:
People are blindly faithful. They eat up everything their churches feed them and vomit it out on the Internet without actually knowing what on earth they're talking about. The church tells them something and immediately, their paths conform to this belief. They don't have backbones, they don't think for themselves. They don't question, they don't ask why. They take it all in like naive suckers and live their whole life by it, and when someone comes along and questions the system, they roll their eyes in exasperation thinking, what an immature Christian. No faith at all. (This doesn't apply to everybody, obviously)
Reason #4:
(Most/some) Christians are extremely narrow-minded. "Omgz you got a tattoo?! Your body is the temple of Christ! Its a sin!" or "Homosexuality is wrong, it is a sin, it says so in the Bible." Well you guys sound awfully hypocritical and judgmental for the loving Christians you guys claim to be. You make an issue of loving everybody (especially the Jews because they get picked on) but you make two-faced comments like these. Getting tattoos or being homosexual are sins, eh? In Deuteronomy, a marriage is only valid if the woman is a virgin and she should be executed if she isn't. Anyone who commits adultery should be stoned to death. In Mark, divorce is prohibited. So are you going to tell the divorced parents of your fellow classmates that they are going to hell or that they are sinning? I believe in morality. I believe in doing what I think is right and not what I am told is right. I believe in following my morals. I am pro-gay because I believe that everyone has a right to love anyone, men, women, blacks, Jews. People who are against gays because they brought AIDS? That's like being against humanity because Adam ate that fruit in the Garden of Eden. So why don't we start beating up each other? Why don't we start slamming each other into lockers because we're all to blame anyway, right? Since Adam ate that fruit billions of years ago, we are to be blamed. Just like that first homosexual who brought AIDS about and now they're all to be blamed. Right? Makes so much sense. Aren't your assholes ever jealous of all the shit that comes out from your mouths?
Reason #5:
Most Christians think that one cannot be morally upright or truly happy without God. Untrue story, bro. Most think that once someone backslides from church, they transform from a happy, steady person to a sad, problematic rebel. Again, this is false. Haven't you ever heard comments like "He dropped out of church? Oh man. Bet he's doing drugs and going clubbing every other night now." or have YOU ever been guilty of saying them? Well I would like to inform you that it is a whole bouquet of gibberish. I am extremely happy. I know what you're thinking now: "Poor girl, so delusional. She doesn't see that she is really unhappy, that she is in self-denial. Only when she truly serves Christ and His entire being will she then find true peace." In the past few months, I have never felt so whole and independent than I ever have before. I seek the beauty out of the littlest things in life, I smile when the sky is a deep, beautiful shade of blue and when the birds are singing songs from the tips of trees. I weep when I read stories about unwavering loyalty and the power of friendship and love. I keep my fingers crossed and direct my hopes to countries like Libya, Egypt and Japan who are or were in great turmoil. My heart cries with joy when I read articles about Christians protecting the Muslims when they are in prayer in Egypt, and my heart breaks when I see the thousands of people being brutally murdered for what they believe in. I rejoiced when President Mubarak stepped down and celebrated with Egypt who now lives in democracy. I love my family with all of my hard little heart and there are many, many moments when I genuinely stop everything I am doing and every molecule and cell in my body feels as if it is about to burst with appreciation and love for the life I lead and the family I am so very lucky to have. I do think profanities are uncouth and I try to avoid using them. I do frown upon clubbing and smoking and doing drugs. I have dropped out of church, I hate God, I would rather clean toilets than sit in on a service. But am I a juvenile delinquent now? Did my morals deteriorate? Did I toss aside my education? Did I start spewing vulgarities all over the place? Did I?
Nothing else comes to mind anymore and I don't want to start looking for reasons. Also, I am aware that most (okay, all) of my reasons are because of people and what they say or think. All these people who are so afraid to question and are so snug in their comfort zones are afraid to venture out and explore. I tell you, not all who wander are lost and not all who stay are safe. But these people are the ones who provide the oxygen to my burning flame of hatred for God. It is like when you argue with a friend and you slightly hate her, but every single person around you is throwing compliments and praises about her day and night. Won't your hate intensify and multiply? So I guess this is why I have came to hate God and this religion.
By the way, this isn't a one month kind of thing where the hatred in my heart suddenly explodes and I am all feisty about it so I decided to blog and tweet about this issue. This has been going on for 9 whole months. And yes, I have tried talking to God about it, okay? I have been extremely desperate and depressed and I have called out to Him over and over again. But you know what? Not a hoot from the almighty, loving Father from above. Not a whisper, not a dream. Don't tell me that He tried talking to me through a leader, a friend or a parent. Or I am 'not on the same frequency as Him'. If you and I fall out, and you love me very very much, you'd try to reason it out, you'd try to apologize, right? And even if I refuse to answer your calls or I block you from every social networking website, there are still ways you can get to me. You could send me a letter, you could even physically come up to me, grab me by the shoulders and say you're sorry. And if you, a mere human being can so easily get to me, why can't God? The Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the end? The Aleph Tav, the omnipotent, all-powerful One? Why can't he just REPLY me if He loves me so much? Why should I be the one to initiate, begging for explanations and seeking for the replies I'll never get? Who died for who? I'm told He's the one who died for me, and I'm pretty sure that means He loves me more than I love Him. So why the silence, God? So yes, I have tried to rekindle my faith in God. Looks like He didn't give a shit.
It would be embarrassing to say one thing and then have the future dictate another, but if I were ever to change my mind in the future (because I am still currently young and immature) then, well, I'll let you guys know what made me return to this religion. This is one hundred percent genuine. I don't have to pretend anymore. Newsflash guys, act est fabula.
No comments:
Post a Comment