guns and glitters

can't even keep up with what i'm going through. really, people can say whatever they want about me, i don't mind but losing someone i love, so much, just really hurts. put yourself in my shoes, or don't, whatever.

woke up this morning to a beautiful phone call, only thought in my head "today is going to be a great day!" planned to meet that person at around eleven thirty am, only to realize he fell back asleep. oh well it's okay, planned to meet at twelve instead but once again, he fell back asleep. woke him up for the third time, he didn't even try to apologize until i told him to. well it's alright, we decided to meet at twelve thirty instead and i was all ready to leave the house since an hour ago. on the way out, he reminded me "you have to leave at one pm for your next appointment or you'll be late!" oh ok so i realized that we only had half an hour tgt. at twelve thirty, he was no where to be seen. at twelve fourty he was also no where to be seen. till twelve fifty six, he came. i spent four minutes with him, passed him the potato salad i made during the one hour where he was apparently asleep and afterward, i left. the day before he agreed to follow me to the next appointment but on that day itself he said "sorry, i have to bring my aunt out" well of course it's okay because i couldn't say no, right? fifteen minutes after i left, he told me "i'm not bringing my aunt out anymore" but he didn't bother coming to find me after leaving that text. it's once again, alright. so, we plan to meet after my appointment. we set the location convenient for him and time. when i'm almost reaching he said "sorry, now, i have to bring my aunt out" OH HAHAHA OKAY IT'S ALRIGHT. so i met Joel and we had to bring Daniel all around like as though we're his mother and father. went for the steam boat, it was okay. after he ended his stuff, he didn't bother calling me. i called him a few times, he didn't pick up. my phone was dying, we were suppose to meet and at that moment, i gave up. shit i have no clue why i'm ranting this but i just need to get this off my chest. i walked from Thomsom to Novena without stopping, it was like i had no idea where i'm going. i stared at the sea for a very very very very very long time with no clue what's going on. what has this relationship turn me in to? swollen eyes every single day because of the unworthy tears that flows down my cheeks like scars. i sleep at three am every single night just because my thoughts overwhelm me. he use to call sixty times whenever i don't pick up, now he only calls six times. i can barely breathe now, sometimes i rather experience physical than emotional pain. everything's changed. it's scary. oh yes, please continue to say whatever you want, i'm absolutely fine.